The Weighting Room Podcast
The Weighting Room Podcast
My Big Fat Mouth: AITA for mistaking my girlfriends weight accidentally
We dive into two "Am I The Asshole" stories that showcase relationship boundaries being tested and communication breaking down in fascinating ways.
• A host of dinner parties deals with a friend who repeatedly takes all the leftovers despite being asked not to
• After multiple warnings and clear boundary-setting, the host finally stops inviting the friend to parties
• The leftover-taker gets upset when not invited, despite having multiple chances to respect the boundary
• A young couple gets into a heated argument when discussing protein intake leads to weight estimations
• The boyfriend attempts to guess his girlfriend's weight after she makes potentially self-deprecating comments about being heavier than she appears
• Self-deprecating humor about weight can backfire dramatically when taken literally
• Weight discussions are rarely necessary outside medical contexts and often lead to hurt feelings
• Both stories highlight how important clear communication and respect for boundaries are in relationships
• Setting and enforcing boundaries is difficult but necessary for healthy relationships
Respect people's boundaries around their possessions and their bodies. Don't guess people's weights, and if someone asks you not to take their leftovers, just don't do it!
Do you have a story you would like to share? Send it to us at theweightingroompc@gmail.com
Disclaimer: We are not Medical professionals and all views and opinions are our own.
hi, lisa, hi, chris, do you have a coffee or beverage that you're?
Speaker 2:I have water, yay good job I was gonna make a coffee before this. I'm like no, grab the water good call, good call.
Speaker 2:I also grabbed water, but I also made a strawberry matcha so I gosh, I can't even give you options because you won't even know we'll actually eventually get through all these stories. I'm just gonna leave them open, okay, all right. So the first story is am I the asshole for telling my friend that I was done inviting her to parties by lucky personality? 6548? Oh I, 22 female, throw a lot of dinner parties like a ton. I love to cook so I always put food on the table and I'm a pretty good chef, I'd say.
Speaker 2:One of my friends comes to all of them. The problem is she takes all of the leftovers. Every single time that there is a scrap left, she takes it, and I appreciate that she doesn't want to waste food. That's not the problem. The problem is I want some leftovers too. So I told her when we were eating this time hey, don't take the leftovers, okay. And she was like yeah, sounds good.
Speaker 2:Fast forward to the end of the party. She takes the goddamn leftovers. When I noticed later that night, I text her hey, if you can't stop taking the leftovers, I'm not going to invite you anymore. She says okay. Next time that she comes over for a party. I remind her that when we're eating, don't take the leftovers. She says okay when she's about to leave.
Speaker 2:I was sitting near the table and guess what? I see she's taking the leftovers, oh my gosh. So I tell her that if she couldn't listen to a boundary I said the clear consequence that I discussed with her was that she would not be invited to any more parties. She said that it wasn't fair, that she couldn't have some and she was only taking a little bit this time. I'm not sure if that's true, but I told her I didn't want her to take any. She says okay and puts them back. Fast forward to next time I hosted a party she's not invited. Apparently, she found out through the grapevine that makes sense, because we do share quite a few friends and she got pissed as hell, saying that she put them back and I should have invited her again. I think she might be right. So am I the asshole?
Speaker 1:Okay, there's a lot to unpack here Because, like at first, oh my God, so I have so many. I have so many questions. There's so many questions to ask right now. First of all, I'm getting the idea that the OP was the person who is supplying all the food, like they're not, it's not like a potluck and the person's just taking they're throwing a dinner party.
Speaker 2:She even said like she's a good chef.
Speaker 1:Right, okay, oh, yes, yes, you're right. Okay, so it's all of their food. Okay, so, yeah, that. Oh, yes, yes, you're right. Okay, so it's all of their food. Okay, so, yeah, that makes sense. I can't. I'm baffled.
Speaker 1:Like I would never just assume that I get to take the leftovers when I'm the one hosting. Like I went to a friend's place last night and I made a chicken bacon nope, not chicken bacon ranch, a Buffalo chicken dip and I was like, do you want to keep this? Like I gave her the rest of it. You know what I mean, because she was the one hosting. I don't assume that I get to take leftovers, even if I'm the one who brought it. So at first, when we were saying it, I was like okay, is this like a like a bigger girl story where we're assuming that she's like eating all like there would have been leftovers, but now she's eating it. Because then in my head I was like, okay, that's not leftovers. Then the person's still eating. But no, this was flat out. Leftovers are put away, she's going in the fridge and she's taking them, and the thing in the end when she's like, well, I was only taking a little bit bitch she said don't take any. Yeah, like I don't know.
Speaker 2:I mean, I do think I love, after dinner parties, having leftovers especially the next day like that's the best part I do offer.
Speaker 1:I do think the op could offer like uh, here's a grab bag, don't take all of them. Here's a grab bag if you want to take some, because maybe she's having financial issues. Maybe she's like, yes, this thing, I can be able to afford to have another meal tomorrow. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:So, like I definitely thought that too, but like, yeah, that's where you and that's where I kind of wish that OP had been, like I had a discussion with her to see if anything was wrong, like that's what.
Speaker 1:I was waiting for.
Speaker 2:So it's not like, like I don't think that this person's an asshole, but it's like if this person's a good friend of yours, like what's going on with them that they're not listening to you yeah, I think I wouldn't say you're the asshole because you have the right to keep your leftovers, quite honestly.
Speaker 1:But if this is a bigger thing like I also think, the friend could have also said here's what's going on, instead of just saying yes, every time and then lying about it afterwards you know what I mean? Like, I feel like there's there's some miscommunication going on here. I'm going to say you're not the asshole in this situation, but I do think things could be handled differently.
Speaker 2:I think the amount of times that they have to say like it's also making OP feel guilty, like having to say that to them because it's like yeah something is going on, but tell me like I'm not gonna pry into your life, like it's both ways.
Speaker 2:I can see it. But it's like how many times do you have to tell this person? Like the comments were even the same, like everyone's saying you're not the asshole. Like one of them said not the asshole. I've never heard of anyone taking leftovers without asking first, and then to take them after being told to stop. I think she's taking advantage of you and she's only angry because she couldn't mooch more food from you. And then someone said we had a double party for my birthday and a family reunion of sorts on my husband's side. I just realized when I air quote things, people can't see that and some of you get it from the tone of voice, though like family reunion.
Speaker 2:And some of his distant cousins started filling up plates to take to their cars and took all the ribs and brisket while people were still eating.
Speaker 1:I didn't even get one piece of protein because they were taking it all.
Speaker 2:That's crazy to me, like I've seen so many stories of people being like yeah, we said people could have leftovers, there was like 12 burgers left and one person took them all, like what. It's crazy, but I still think. I still think not the asshole, but you might want to have a conversation with your friend because something's going on I agree yeah all right. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good one, all right. So the second story here is am I the asshole for mistaking my girlfriend's weight accidentally by skim beans?
Speaker 1:oh my, this could go okay I'm ready.
Speaker 2:This is a very interesting story, though. All right, I'm buckled up, I'm ready, 20 year old. So I, 21 male, was driving with my girlfriend, 20 female earlier tonight, and we were talking about ideal protein intake based on your body weight, about 1.5 grams per kilogram of body weight.
Speaker 1:I would just like to point out real quick. Sorry not to interrupt, but like that is one of the most complicated thing out of everything that I have been doing over the last five years of focusing on my health and fitness, and that is by far the most complicated thing out of all of it, in my opinion, is figuring out how much protein you're supposed to be eating.
Speaker 2:I'm honestly on the like fiber kick right now of like getting more knowledge about fiber, because apparently that's even more important the older you get.
Speaker 1:So I'm really I'm very much like I actually had the conversation with my nurse about this, because I was like what do I do? Because now the new thing that everybody's talking about is fiber, and I know I should be getting protein, and am I getting enough, and am I getting this? And she was like and I know I should be getting protein, and am I getting enough, and am I getting this? And she was like don't worry about your macros. Figure out the 3-3-3 for your macros, like the trio for them, because it should be balanced. There shouldn't be one that's more than the others, and the only ones that it's like protein should stay the same, and the only ones that you should really going back and forth with are your carbs and your fat, where, if you are having a high fat meal, go lower on your carbs, if you're having a lower carb meal, go higher on your fats. I feel like that was the same thing that I just said, but you're picking up what I'm laying down, so so, anyways, continue the story I was just going to it's very it's complex, all right.
Speaker 2:So these 20 year olds are trying to figure out their protein. It's complex, all right. So these 20 year olds are trying to figure out their protein. Uh, she was saying how that would be mean. Okay, she was saying how that would mean she needed 150 grams per day, which, by my mediocre on the spot math at the time, meant that she was about 250 pounds, which I didn't believe for a second.
Speaker 1:My girlfriend is about five foot seven and she looks to be a completely normal weight as soon as I don't know if you saw it because you were reading, but you're like, I didn't believe it for a second and I kind of rolled my eyes. Of course he didn't, because you have no idea what weight actually looks like. And then he was like of course he didn't, because you have no idea what weight actually looks like. And then he was like a completely normal weight, it's like bitch, bitch.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we can see what's happening here, okay. That being said, I remembered a few months ago that my girlfriend said that she stepped on the scale and told me that her weight in pounds started with a two, which again I didn't believe, as I assumed she was around the same weight as me, if not maybe a bit heavier. I'm five foot four, 150 pounds, and she's a bit taller than me, so I figured it was about 160 to 170 for her at most. So she has three inches on him. But also, like if they are bigger, like you don't know what their muscle is like underneath, like if you can't really see it, like that's very. It's so interesting when people are trying to guess people's weight, and by interesting I mean don't do that, don't do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, nobody's interested in that interesting, she seemed pretty adamant that she was 200 pounds.
Speaker 1:So I believed, believed her, even though it didn't seem to add up to me. Then you don't believe her, like let's just I. So I believed her.
Speaker 2:But no, that's not believing, that's, that's just accepting like, at what point here is he gonna whip out the scale? Make her stand on it. That's where I'm going.
Speaker 1:You know what? I have one in my trunk for when I go fishing, like just anyways, okay, flash forward. That was a stab at guys on tinder who have a picture of a fish which if my husband was on tinder 100 he would be that guy probably yes, where's brandon?
Speaker 1:I would also like to point out sorry, I'm totally side railing this now. Okay, I would also like to point out sorry, I'm totally side railing this now. I would also like to point out that there was a trend going around where it was like take a picture with your husband or show a picture of you and your husband and show a picture of your husband holding a fish and like they're always like so much happier when they're holding the fish. I took a picture of my husband and I on our wedding day and then I took the showed a picture of him holding a, and then I took a picture of me holding a fish and I was also happier. So now my husband and I fish together so that we're happy. Oh my God, I love that. And that's the story of go fishing with your husband every once in a while. If you do it all the time, he'll get pissed off.
Speaker 1:Just so you know because he's helping you with your fish more than fishing.
Speaker 2:Rams hasn't really ever been camping, and I'm trying to get him to just do that.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God, do you guys need to come in the summer sometime and we'll just do a camping trip with Harper? That'd be so awesome, that'd be so much fun.
Speaker 2:See, like here Rams and I like, cause we're off in November, which we might come out there, but like we could literally go camping here in November. We could go over. Oh yeah, we can't do that here. Yeah, I know, it's just. I remember camping in tofino in november one time and it was raining a lot, but it was still doable.
Speaker 1:It wasn't that cold yeah, next, next summer, we'll plan the camp for sure. Okay, okay, do this, do this.
Speaker 2:Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry so, uh, yeah, he doesn't believe her weight. Just we're on that. Uh, flash forward back to tonight, when she said she was 250 pounds, which I knew was an over-exaggeration. I said you're obviously not 250 pounds, at most you're like 190, which again I didn't really believe. But I was going off the numbers she had given me a few months ago, minus a few pounds, as I think she's lost a little bit of weight since then. What you hand down, lisa, what you need to know about my girlfriend, is that no, no wait, we don't need to know anything about your girlfriend right now.
Speaker 1:We will list. All right, but I'm not liking this.
Speaker 2:21 year old male tape over lisa. I knew that this story would probably get you. Okay, what you need to know about my girlfriend is that she is very self-conscious about her weight, so stop talking about it. Right, even though I think she's an, she has an incredibly attractive body. Sorry, it's just the way that's written.
Speaker 1:Sorry, this is that sentence? Right there, we'll finish it.
Speaker 2:She always says how she's huge and sometimes refuses to eat meals because of her fear of being overweight. I wouldn't say she has an eating disorder, but she definitely does not have a healthy attitude towards her body and eating which she has an eating disorder, but she definitely does not have a healthy attitude towards her body and eating which could be an eating disorder. Uh, when I said that, I guess like it's people, a lot of people, I'm not saying he has, I mean a lot of people only see bulimia and anorexia, yeah, as an eating disorder and it's so and they have to look a certain way in order to deal with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, when I.
Speaker 2:That's not my opinion, that's other people, and yet they see it in the extreme, of someone's super skinny, and not saying all fat people have an eating disorder. But you see it in someone extreme that's super skinny and you're like, oh man, they need to eat a cheeseburger. But you look at someone fat, I mean that's bullying. And then you look at someone fat and then you're just like they eat too much, like they just don't have any willpower. It's like I you know what. We're not gonna get deep into this, we should just finish the story.
Speaker 1:But it's like yeah, finish the story and then I'll say the thought that I have ridiculous like talking about people's weight.
Speaker 2:Okay, when I said that guess of 190, she got incredibly upset at me and started crying and asking for me to bring her home, and I said that she couldn't believe that I. And she said that she couldn't believe that I thought that she was that heavy. I apologized and told her I was only going off the number that she had given me a few months before, which she had. Sorry, I did it again, which she said had been a joke. He added extra words, so that's why I keep fumbling From my recollection. There was nothing about her tone at the time that suggested it was a joke.
Speaker 2:Even if I didn't fully believe her, I apologized again and told her that I didn't really think she looked 190. And that when she told me she was over 200, I didn't really believe it but went along with it because, a I'll be honest, I'm not that confident in myself when guessing people's weight. Oh, there you go, bud. And B it is incredibly hard to know when my girlfriend is joking. She rebuffed me and said that I should be good at guessing weights, as I used to work at a gym, and she said that it's no wonder I got fired. For the record, I wasn't fired. I just got my shifts cut down for reasons out of my control.
Speaker 1:I reassured her that oh not the point right now, dude.
Speaker 2:I reassured her that she looks beautiful and doesn't look overweight at all. See, do you see what I mean? Like I mean, do you see what I mean? You think the same way. She looks beautiful, you're not fat at all, you can be fat and beautiful, mother. Okay, and she seems to have calmed down now that we've gotten home. Still, I just want to make sure that I wasn't being a complete asshole to her, because I care a lot about her and try my best to support and reassure her about her body. Okay, that's the end of the story, but just quickly recap in case anyone forgot. He thinks that she's a certain or does not think she's as fat as she is. She said she was as fat. She's now mad because he said 190, which is still below the weight that she originally said of 250, and now she's upset that he said one, 90 and he doesn't really believe she's even one 90.
Speaker 2:This is so confusing, but also with you both.
Speaker 1:That whole thing, yeah Like, oh my God, there's so much, there's, there's, there's a lot to unpack on this one. They need therapy, they need couples counseling and work on communication.
Speaker 1:Let's say she is 250 pounds, right, and he's like I don't think she actually weighs that way, blah, blah, blah. But let's say at the end of the day she was 250 pounds and in my head all I can think is you're now. The issue here is you now need to realize that you are dating and are attracted to somebody who isn't at that at the weight that you thought they were like that is your own issue of fat phobia. And then her like I really feel like there's some eating disorders involved in here, and with how young they are, that makes that totally makes sense, because there's so much the media puts so much pressure onto teenagers. I know they're not teenagers, I know they're in their early 20s, but you're just, yeah, you're just getting out of that teenage phase where the world has put so much pressure on you because everybody puts teenagers have the extra in quotations income. They have the extra in quotations income. They have the income that is disposable. It's not like they have a bunch of bills that they have to pay for or anything like that.
Speaker 1:So the media focuses a lot of their attention on the young mindset because they know they have the extra money and it's they don't have the. I'm not going to spend this money. It's the impulse buys are there. I'm not going to spend this money. It's the impulse buys are there. I'm just going to spend the money. That's why and the media focuses so much on do not be fat, only be skinny. Like it's wrong to be fat, it's wrong for this, and it's just drilled in our heads that unless you are skinny, you are not good enough by the media. So to be in your early 20s and feeling that way unless you were already plus size, it's hard to deal. I don't even know how to phrase that. Like I feel, like I didn't feel that way coming into my 20s because I was always fat. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So it's like it is what, what it is. But I also I did have eating disorders coming into my 20s because of life, like it's just the whole thing, ah, the whole. I feel bad.
Speaker 2:I if she actually is joking, like she said those words to him. I was joking. She's using self-deprecating humor and it's like that can be taken either way. It's like especially dealing if you're talking to someone that takes everything literally. It's like you're using self-deprecating humor. They're gonna think that either what you're saying is true or you know what I mean. Like it's just, don't do that. You guys are having an honest conversation about your intake of um, protein and everything. So it's just like don't make comments like that. And are you trying to make it seem like, oh, like I'm a fat piece of whatever, just because you're saying that you're bigger than you are? Like what was the point of that? And also like what is the point of saying something like that and then getting mad when he actually talks about you being 60 pounds less than what you joked about? Like it's so freaking confusing. And yeah, I think this is just like, even though they're not teenagers, like this is just teenage drama.
Speaker 2:But you guys really need to work on communication yeah 100 on yourselves as well, not just communicating voted not the asshole, um, because, like someone even said, wait, she flat out said 250. You guessed 190 and she's mad at you because you guessed 60 pounds less. How much does she weigh and why was she claiming 250? The op answered and says no clue how much she weighs, definitely not asking now for obvious reasons, but she said she was joking about 250.
Speaker 2:I kind of assumed she was joking about 250 as it was such a ridiculous number. Based on how she looks, it's not ridiculous. I don't like the way he talks, but but her saying 200 a few months ago seems like she wasn't a joke from her. That it wasn't a joke from her tone, and how many times she confirmed it after I called BS.
Speaker 1:If I personally had to take a guess, I just by the story that we're hearing, I'm going to say she's probably about 175 180. Because you know, when you're on that type of level and you're like, oh I'm, I'm this weight, you know what I mean Like you just kind of round up to the higher weight. So that would be, if she said it in a joking manner, of saying like, oh, I'm 200 pounds, then I'm going to say she's probably in that range, at a point where she feels comfortable to round up to that, but knowing that she's not really at that, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there was another.
Speaker 2:Not that it matters at the end of the day. But yeah, there was another comment as well. That said, I'm surprised by the response here. In my opinion, it's a clear not the asshole, listen as well. That said, I'm surprised by the response here. In my opinion, it's a clear not the asshole, listen. You're not responsible for her insecurities. It's not your responsibility to handle or heal her from what she doesn't see in herself. As crude as that sounds, it is true. As much as we want to carry the burden of that, we simply cannot. It's not a healthy dynamic to have and that's how we lose ourselves in relationships. We are responsible for our own feelings and reactions, nothing more. You spoke in good faith. She responded being vindictive. Personally, I was not a fan of that. This can be amended. Of course. We're not our best when we feel attacked or angry, but tread carefully.
Speaker 2:And someone else said this is right up there with do these jeans make my buck look big but less obvious? Either she is over 200 pounds and has a very complicated feelings about it, or she's under 200 pounds and has a very dark and mean humor. Not right, I get it. You know I've made self-deprecating humor, like I probably still do, but it's just like that's, that's, that's the way my brain works, but I'm comfortable with that. I don't know like. The people around me know I do it and they know I don't mean anything by it and I don't even mean regarding my weight, literally just because I'm crazy. But, um, you know, self-deprecating humor is not that great. I am in therapy. I would agree that I do think that this person needs, needs, individual therapy, and I believe everyone does. Now, oh my God, it's so weird to say something like that, but I really do.
Speaker 1:Everyone needs therapy and now when I actually look at even people in my family, I'm like being healed isn't that far away bud, I feel like you need to take a snippet from like the very first two or three podcasts of you saying I would never get counseling. I'm totally against counseling to this moment, right now.
Speaker 1:For sure, okay, so long story short, like honestly, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what her weight is. Don't estimate people's weights, don't guess people's weights. I feel like the only time anybody is needing to know your weight is if it's like a doctor's office and your medication or whatever depends on what you weigh. That is the only time. And if you don't want to know your weight, that's fine, because I know a lot of people say they don't want to be weighed and they have a conversation with their doctor beforehand and that's fine. But if there's a medication or something that's involved, like if you need, like, anesthetics, what's that one? Is that right when they want you to go to sleep for a surgery?
Speaker 2:or whatever. No, yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, anesthesiologist is the person, so that makes sense. But they need to know your weight to make sure that you're getting the proper dosage and everything Right. So, like my thing is, if they need to know it and you want to look at it, that's fine. I, if they need to know it and you want to look at it, that's fine. I mean, I wait publicly to the internet every week. So whatever for me, but for other people, if you don't want to know your weight, that's fine. But sometimes the doctor needs to know and in my opinion, that's the only time that you need to share your weight. Or maybe if you're going skydiving or zip lining or something like that like if your safety is involved, we're going to, they're going to have to know your weight. And if you don't want to know, that's fine. But aside from that, somebody on the fucking street or even somebody you're dating, they do not need to know what your weight is. No, I'm not going to say that. My dad listens to this podcast.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, what did you just say?
Speaker 1:I said unless. And then I said I'm not going to say that because my dad listens to this podcast.
Speaker 2:Unless, what, though? That's fine.
Speaker 1:I was going to say, unless you're going to be riding them or sitting on their face.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:And even then they don't need to know. I don't know why I didn't. My brain couldn't go there. I was like I'm, that's okay. I'm reading a lot of smut right now. So, yeah, I'm not, my brain is just like. Anyways, this is good.
Speaker 2:So deemed probably everyone sucks here yeah.
Speaker 1:Honestly, I won't even say that because it's easy for me to say. It's easy for me to say everybody sucks here because they're talking about weight, but not a lot of people have had the time to process the way that we have processed weight so in, but not a lot of people have had the time to process the way that we have processed yeah, wait so, in my opinion, could you be better people?
Speaker 1:yes, but in this situation I don't think it's an asshole situation. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, just don't guess people's weight. It's the moral of the story so.
Speaker 2:So that's all for today. I hope you enjoyed the story.
Speaker 1:This is so formal.
Speaker 2:If you think that we would enjoy, please send them to us, because we like talking about people's problems instead of our own, not that it's any of our business.
Speaker 1:Okay, bye, bye, yay, oh, that's a requirement.