The Weighting Room Podcast
The Weighting Room Podcast
FGT 53: From Belly Bands to Life's Big Choices
Fear has a way of building walls around us that seem impossible to scale. In this vulnerable, heartfelt episode, we journey through the everyday anxieties and profound life questions that shape our existence, beginning with a remarkable breakthrough moment: facing dental anxiety after 15 years of avoidance.
What happens when you finally confront your biggest health fear? The relief of discovering no catastrophic damage after years of worry becomes a powerful metaphor for how we often magnify our fears beyond reality. Through tears and laughter, we explore how small acts of courage can transform our quality of life and set powerful examples for the next generation.
The conversation flows through honest discussions of body comfort solutions rarely talked about in mainstream spaces—from the revolutionary design of belly bands for plus-size bodies to hair care strategies that work for real life, not Instagram perfection. These practical hacks become touchpoints for deeper explorations of bodily autonomy and self-acceptance.
Perhaps most poignantly, we wade into the complex emotional territory of life's unexpected detours. What does it mean to mourn the life you thought you'd have? How do you process the grief of realizing therapy twenty years ago might have led you down entirely different paths? Together we navigate the bittersweet territory of accepting where we are while acknowledging what might have been, whether that's decisions about having more children or processing deeper regrets about roads not taken.
Join us for this raw, unfiltered conversation that weaves together everyday challenges and profound life questions. By sharing our vulnerabilities, we hope you'll feel less alone in yours. Remember, there is no "normal" life path—just the beautiful, messy journey that belongs uniquely to you.
Do you have a story you would like to share? Send it to us at theweightingroompc@gmail.com
Disclaimer: We are not Medical professionals and all views and opinions are our own.
Hi Lisa, hi Chris, we're gonna jump right in and talk about your hair. Oh okay, I'm baffled that you have your hair up right now, because I love your hair.
Speaker 2:Thanks, yeah, I yeah. I haven't washed it since I got it done, and that was on Wednesday. Today is Sunday and I'm trying to get through my work week without washing it, especially because it's raining today, so it's just gonna poof out. Yeah, I want to wash it on my days off. That's fair. I really hope I'm saying that to other people that don't wash their hair every day or every other day.
Speaker 1:Oh god, I don't wash my hair every day. I wash my hair once or twice a week, to be completely honest.
Speaker 2:I used to wash my hair every second day because it would get greasy, until someone said it's getting greasy because you wash your hair every second day and I was like wait, what? Like, yeah, you're gonna go through a phase when you're trying to prolong it where it's just gonna be greasy, but eventually you're gonna get used to it and it's not gonna happen, and it didn't really happen. And then, if it does, though, because you know it just depends on what you're doing as well uh, I just use dry shampoo a lot now.
Speaker 1:Yes, me too. I also switched to the new, like XXL, like volume shampoo, and I hate it. I hate that. I did that. I'll be switching back to my other one for sure. Why do you hate it? It just puts like a texture on my hair that it's like it just when I use dry shampoo. It feels light, it feels airy, it does what it needs to do and then if I even have to put it in again like two days later, that it's like whatever. But like this one, it's like it just stays and it's just. It's almost like borderline hairspray feeling. Yeah, like it. It feels like a dusty hairspray. I don't like it.
Speaker 2:Do you have a Sally's Beauty in?
Speaker 1:where you live.
Speaker 2:You should go there and just ask their recommendations, because that's what I did and I ended up coming out with rose. Okay, like it's not that they sold me. I kept asking the questions Okay, well, what do I do if I want to do this? And she actually took a lot of things off my plate that I thought I needed. So I do a rosemary oil on my scalp and then coconut oil on the ends and I let that sit for however long and then I wash it out.
Speaker 2:It is quite a bitch to wash out and I will do a double shampoo, but I use ion shampoo. It's sulfate free, whatever that means. People just suggested it, uh. And then the same for the conditioner, but a deep conditioner on days, because I don't oil all the time. I only oil like once a week or every two weeks. But I use the what's it called um oh crap. Sauce brand. It's like a guacamole whip and it's a deep conditioner and I put that in my hair and then I comb through my hair and it comes out silky smooth and then I have like things that I put in afterwards. But best decision was that I posted everything that I'm like. You know what? I wasn't taught this by my mom. Uh, I posted on TikTok and I get such great responses, like when my eyebrows happened and like wanting to do my hair differently. It was I like reaching out for things like that, not about weight loss, not things like that, no thanks yeah that's just awful.
Speaker 1:I feel I have to. I feel like I have to get this off my chest or I'm just gonna feel like I'm hovering over it this whole time. I feel so exposed with these new camera angles yeah it does.
Speaker 2:Did you notice me?
Speaker 1:I was like, like I started going like this because I'm like there's so much of me but I do feel like I need to like not touch my desk a lot and I need to like. I feel like I'm being a lot gentler than when I usually am and it's right here, like usually, it's up a little bit more, but like my face is all up here. I said to Chris before we hit record I feel like we look way too professional for what we where we are posted.
Speaker 2:we're just trying to make different angles so that it looks better on TikTok and whatnot, because it's in portrait mode, um, but now you just see so much more of us and my arms are still crossed. I'm very aware of that. But yeah, I'm in a very tight constraint here because I got lighting on the side, I got the camera there, I got my thing propped up here and I'm just like where do I put my arms? I'm going to put them here, I guess. I'm just like pissed off the whole time We'll have to do an episode.
Speaker 1:Like you know, Hands would just be moving behind your back, so I feel like I had to get that out so that I started feeling a little more natural of being in this camera angle.
Speaker 2:But Hi Lily, I hear you. I know you're home today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what happened there? Do your cats usually go outside? Not that people even know what we're talking about.
Speaker 2:So for everyone wondering, my cat ended up outside all. I can't say night, because I come home at three in the morning, but when I come home at three in the morning, or normally 530, which is my other time off Sorry, I'm on gradual return to work right now, so I'm just like on modified hours right now. Today is my last day and then I'm on regular hours. But when I come home that's when Lily wants outside time. It's not really outside time.
Speaker 2:We're in an apartment building. She just wants to run out into the hallway and then come back in. Like normally they like just want to rub on the carpet, because you don't have, you have a couple of rugs. The carpet out there is so like thick and strong, so they'll normally run out there, play for a minute and then come back in, and by play I mean literally just lie there and rub. Uh, so I'll let them do it for five minutes. But then yesterday I saw Luna was already in and she's normally the last one in, and I looked in the hall and I didn't see her, and Lily never goes down the stairs to last night or today she did, so I thought they were both in and so I closed the door because I didn't see a cat out there.
Speaker 2:and now we've learned that the reason Luna was meowing like she was is probably because Lily was outside in the hallway but Amazon beeped me so I went out to go get the package and then my neighbors were like, hey, are you missing a cat? And I'm like no, not that I'm aware of. And he's like, oh, because there was a cat wandering around here. The guy across saw him and she looks really frightened and like, um, just doesn't, is not great. And she comes around the corner from his apartment. I'm like Lily and he's like, oh, is that yours? Because she's not even coming towards me, because I'm like we've had her for three years. She's scared of us, like she's just a scared kitty and I'm trying to get her. And then I picked her up and held her but of course she's clawing me. She just hates touch, she hates everything, um. But now she's like following us around and meowing like crazy. But I just feel.
Speaker 2:Thank you for finding me luna's been trapped out there twice. But luna has a meow that'll wake the devil, so we normally hear her. But yeah, I don't know if she's going to be too scared. Ramsey, are you picking her up? Oh Lily, can I see her?
Speaker 1:I feel so bad. Yes, put her in the camera angle.
Speaker 2:Hi baby, it was right. When I saw the orange on top of her head I was like, oh, that's lily, because they look so much alike. Yeah, so she does sit. So she'll sit like this in our arms and she'll never look at us, and normally she'll sit there frozen, no matter which way you're holding her. And it's like she's um, what do you call it, babe? Oh, it's like she's doing something where you can't follow yeah, but what's the word where she's disassociating right now?
Speaker 2:yeah, you go, you go, have fun. Don't knock my stuff over. It's very tight here. Yeah, that was my story about lily. I feel really bad and I'm a bad cat mom and that's the life. But you know what's great? Okay, wait, uh, lisa knows the story about this that like I've had some drama in my personal life and I didn't really have someone that I could depend on to watch my cats while we're gone. And the person that we finally landed on I still like a good friend of mine, but I was like I don't know if they're going to be able to come every day, because stuff comes up and my neighbors were like we can watch them if you want, like we can just come in and feed them, and I was like I desperately wanted to ask you guys, but I was like we're not like that close, you know, and I didn't want to just be pushy and then you feel obligated. But they offered and I was like, oh my god, like that's the sweetest thing. So I'll probably get them something while I'm in Vegas or whatnot.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's the sweetest thing so I'll probably get them something while I'm in vegas or whatnot.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's awesome. I feel so much better doing that because they're right there. So if they hear meowing like they can just come over if they want.
Speaker 1:They probably won't hear any meowing do you think you and rams are gonna do like the drunken elope thing in vegas?
Speaker 2:you know what she just asked oh god drunken elope thing in vegas.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, are you gonna do the sober elope thing or the sober elope thing in vegas? Oh my god, are you gonna do the sober a?
Speaker 2:lope thing, or the sober a lope thing. He just went and wait listen.
Speaker 1:Is that a denial or am I missing your wedding because podcast now thinks you don't like me.
Speaker 2:Just just fyi, you look like a 90s heartthrob with that haircut put him in the camera. He's in his pajamas he goes every time he gets his haircut it does the skeet all rich in scream. That's the haircut that he's sporting right now. For everyone that can't see him. It's just exactly what my hair is doing right here.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, yeah, got it.
Speaker 2:Sorry to talk so much about my cat, but, like, honestly, I was just how did I not even notice she was missing?
Speaker 1:But again, she's not someone that's attached to the hip to us, so of course, Listen, as a mom, it'll just hang on you and then eventually you're going to be like why was I so worried? What are you drinking?
Speaker 2:Just a regular latte. I'm literally using any of the Nespresso I have left. So I try and because I do a Luongo, a long shot and then espresso shots with it, and I try and pair what goes well. And I bought a whole bunch of random coffee the last time because there was a big sale and I'm like I'll try it all.
Speaker 1:I have an order coming that is just the stuff I like now, because it's really hard getting through this. That was a long story. To say, a latte, it sounds great. I am drinking a chai latte, specifically a brown sugar cinnamon chai latte. It's very yummy. I I'm obsessed right now with the chai latte vibes. Um, I've been making my own concentrate stuff with. I use two ounces of hot water with two tea bags and let it steep for like five minutes and then mix it with a protein shake and then whatever flavors I want is it loosely tea that you're using, or is it just tea bags of chai?
Speaker 1:I'm using tea bags.
Speaker 2:So it's not that expensive then.
Speaker 1:No, no, I do. I have had loose leaf. I haven't found one that I actually really like, but I was already buying the tea bags because it was just convenient at the store, kind of thing.
Speaker 2:I gotta admit I hate to say it. It's a certain kind of chai. Uh, I'll go find it if you really want me to like. It's over there, but it's David's tea. It's amazing like and I don't like talking about them, but it's really good. However, the Tazo concentrate, I could that. The reason I was asking you is, if you're going to go loose leaf, just get the Tazo concentrate, because it ends up working out cheaper. I've really calculated this and the amount that you use for a teabag. It's just not worth it.
Speaker 1:I've used the Tazo teabags because, and honestly, the reason I concentrate in the one I know.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, but the reason I won't try it is because I don't like the Tazo tea bags and I assume it's the same tea that's in it. So I'm like what do you not like about it?
Speaker 1:you know just the flavor I've tried maybe like five or six different brands of chai and I like the. This one's the Irresistibles brand. I like the Twinnings. Is that it? Twinnings, I think, is the tea brand? I like that one too. But and my friend actually gifted me the tazzo one and they were like, oh, because everybody loves tazzo, but I've been using the tea bags instead of the concentrate, literally just to save calories and I didn't like the tazzo tea. So I was like there's no point me even trying the concentrate at this point because I don't even like the tea it's really good, though, with as an iced um latte with the vanilla premier protein I talked about that last time.
Speaker 2:I think it is worth it, but, honestly, if you're not going to do it, just wait until I'm there and I'll just buy it and make you drink it that's fine.
Speaker 1:We usually up our calories when we're visiting anyway, so I will try it when you are here right now. I find this tastes like I like this. I really enjoy this. I get the chai flavor. It doesn't probably because I'm using such a concentrate, like two tea bags to two ounces of hot water, like it's a. It's a ratio that I find likes and, as I said, it's. For me, this entire drink is 140 calories because of um, it's just, it's just the protein shake that has calories, and then I use the brown sugar cinnamon. That's like the. I find it ironic that it's brown sugar cinnamon but zero calories, like when they say no sugar and then call it brown sugar cinnamon or no sugar caramel. It's like all of those things are just pure sugar. I don't know how you're making that without the sugar. That can't be good. It's pure chemicals. Am I still having it? Yes, yes, I am.
Speaker 2:How was your week? I don't even know. Honestly, everything's pretty chaotic right now. I'm going to tell you all, right now, did not read. It's not that I don't enjoy reading. I have not had the time. That is such a lie. I haven't made the time. Lisa knows I've had the time because she's like just go do it right now and I'm like but the Sims.
Speaker 1:I would just like to say that I have reminded her multiple times.
Speaker 2:Everyone knows you're great.
Speaker 1:Lisa Shut up, oh no, it's. All I'm saying is the amount of times that we're like, yeah, let's just, let's remind each other of our goals, and then I get to the point that I'm like I'm just annoying her now because she's not gonna freaking do it.
Speaker 2:I do have plans. I also have a vacation coming up, so I'll probably do a lot of reading then. But it's just you know, when you have just so much to do and you're so stressed that you do nothing. That is is my life right now. Yes, I do know that, and I have so much to do for our trip and I have done nothing. I did get online two days ago and do a fast order from Torrid for a couple bathing suit tops and a couple little sundresses. Hopefully they look good.
Speaker 2:Oh, I'm so excited. Yeah, I did not. I want to see them Try them on and I don't know what my size is anymore. But I also ordered shapewear from Pennington's because I'm just like you know what. I just don't want the jiggle with how much walking I'm gonna have to do down there. So I'm gonna wear some shapewear on certain days.
Speaker 2:But I'm assuming it's also gonna be really hot there yeah, and like, just with honest, like, let's just be honest right now with my apron belly, I'm not interested in having that do the smack around and it just gets so hot and I just want everything to just be solid. Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:So that's why I am interested in shapewear.
Speaker 2:I also wear it backwards so it almost looks like a thong, because the butt part really helps with how big my apron belly is.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's such a good idea.
Speaker 2:It is such a smart idea. Honestly, it's not my idea. I don't know where I learned it from, but I was like yes.
Speaker 1:Have I told you about I feel like I have talked about this on here, maybe just during my pregnancy, but the uh, bamboo, sweat belly bands have I talked to those talk? To you about those before? Okay, give me one second sweat belly bands okay, so I just got music song.
Speaker 2:I was just started doing it while you're on, like you, it's. There's no way. This is not on your fyp, lisa. It's them all doing that weird dance. No, okay, you know what? We are definitely on different fyps, it is everywhere no, it'll show up on mine in a week.
Speaker 2:No, so it's everywhere. But then there's also controversy, because controversy comes along with anything, and it's because it was a dance that this person made up but kids were performing it and it was like, oh, it's hyper sexualized. I probably because I don't have kids, but I can be such a prude. Sometimes I get it from my mom and I see nothing sexualized about it.
Speaker 1:And that dance that they were just doing. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And if it's where they're like moving their hips like in a circle, don't see it. Maybe it's what they were wearing, I don't know. But again, women shouldn't be saying that I don't know, like I don't think it's sexualized. If I don't know, you know what, but I don't have kids, whatever I. I don't think it is, but I mean it's fun and cheery, but um yeah, it's every second video on my fyp that I'm so sick of that song I mean I was singing candy man by christina aguilera in like grade six.
Speaker 1:I don't have much of an opinion here.
Speaker 2:See, when I was in grade nine it was still songs like Mbop, you know, so like that was. That was or no wait, that was grade eight. That was a really popular song. I had such a crush on Taylor Hansen. Fully thought he was a woman and then when he was a man, I was like same level of attraction, and that's when I realized who I am.
Speaker 1:Taylor henson was the person that was your bi awakening I'm attracted, no matter what no 100 my bi awakening was uh shigo from kim possible? I don't know the character. I know it's fine. You know what is it a car?
Speaker 2:is it a it? What's kim possible no I have no idea what you're talking about no, okay you know what? Let me name some 80s movies and see what you look like that ringtone.
Speaker 1:You don't know that ringtone. What?
Speaker 2:is it Like the typewriter? Oh, I don't know. No.
Speaker 1:Oh man, what is it? Is it a show? It's a show. It was on Disney. It was big when I was a kid. Is it with real people or cartoons? It's cartoons. Oh okay, it's fine, we can move on on. Let's go back to the belly band, because I'm gonna google it later on disney plus. Okay, go on disney plus.
Speaker 2:It was um okay, did you know, even stevens I know what you're talking about, but is that with the guy shia labeouf?
Speaker 1:yes, yeah, never watched it, but I knew that it existed okay, so the actress that played his sister, she was Kim Possible. Okay, I couldn't tell you who that is, and then Shego was like the bad girl, like there was like a bad guy who was like Doctor something can't remember his name, and then obviously because I wasn't attracted to him, but Shego was like his henchman or whatever.
Speaker 2:Okay Well anyways, that's okay. Well, I'm old or you're too young, I don't know. A little bit of both. Go with that I wish I was younger.
Speaker 1:I think it's a mix. Let's go back to the belly band. We can both relate to this, so this is a belly band yeah so it goes under your apron belly so that when so when I'm wearing shapewear and like dresses, or like when I'm going to softball and whatnot, I stick it under there to help with the sweat. That's amazing, yeah, and you can just get them in. They come in different sizes and you can get them in like a three pack or something like that, and they're just on Amazon, they're just bam it's the bamboo tummy apron Shampoo, tummy apron belly, tummy things.
Speaker 1:What is this one actually called More of me to love?
Speaker 2:So it's so funny. I feel like we should have invented something like this, because I used to think how can you make underwear able to like go around that? And I was even thinking like, oh, you could like cinch it like there, you know, like have it with like an elastic. But then I was like, oh, that would bug you, and I was just thinking of how like underwear could have that almost like a pocket for your belly yes. I have thought that so many times of course you did.
Speaker 2:We always think of the same fucking thing all the time, just like this podcast. Hey, lisa, we should start a podcast. I was just discussing this all the time like I don't know I think we've talked about this on the podcast that lisa and I have literally thought of like things that you can't even think about right now, like how people brought up the roman empire randomly, it was like that. But I think we did discuss this, but lisa and I are you guys actually think about the roman empire?
Speaker 2:like is that a thing? I asked rams that, and it seems to come up a lot more than it ever used to now really I haven't hold on.
Speaker 1:Let me ask brandon.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm sorry, but when they came out with, okay, but how often do girls think about their uh ex friend and I was like yep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess, but she's not like my ex-best friend because we ended on bad terms. We've just drifted apart.
Speaker 2:Oh well, I have 10 years on you, so just wait, it'll happen. And no, hopefully it doesn't happen to you. But we ended on bad terms and randomly I'll think about her because it's like unfortunately it's who I went to disneyland with, where I tore my oh, hold on.
Speaker 1:He's here, hold on. How often do you think of the roman empire, like in the last year? Well, considering the way things are right now, okay, trump aside, when was the last time you thought of the roman empire like 10th grade history?
Speaker 2:okay, so maybe this is brandon's awake now he's gonna start, now his phone's gonna start giving him info about the roman empire I'll explain later.
Speaker 1:I love you, don't leave me. Oh my goodness. Uh Love you, don't leave me. Oh my goodness. What is this podcast?
Speaker 2:No, I have no idea what I got to cut some of this stuff out because it's half an hour of.
Speaker 1:The only thing we've talked about about weight is belly bands. Okay, I do have something I want to talk about. It has nothing to do with weight, but it is a big thing for me, like this was a huge mental toll for me, um, and I'm very proud of myself for doing this thing. Um, and some people may find it disturbing and gross, but I don't care, because I did this thing. I'm so nervous. It's not as bad as you think it might be. Actually, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I went to the dentist for the first time in like 15 years uh, last week or the week before, I think it was last week and I am. I was terrified of the dentist. I hated going to the dentist. I did go twice within the last 15 years, but it was just because my wisdom teeth came in and they were chipping and cutting my cheeks. So I had to get three out of the four of my wisdom teeth taken out. And that was like right before COVID, because my husband and I I looked up a specific dental anxiety clinic in the area that I live in and this was the like the number one recommended. So I went there and they were really good about my wisdom teeth. So I was like, okay, I'm going to go back and do like an actual dentist thing. I made an appointment for me and my husband. Then COVID happened and appointments got canceled and then I never went back because I was afraid of the dentist and I you know the fear rebuilt up, so whatever.
Speaker 1:So, um, I got to the point where and this is the part where it's like, honestly, I was super ashamed and super embarrassed by it but the plaque had built up like down here, uh, on my bottom teeth, so bad that like there were like a couple like gray spots. And instantly I got into my head of like, oh my God, this is like they're going to have to remove these teeth, like I'm done for blah, blah, blah. And then I was looking on Tik TOK and there was like this thread that, yeah, it was a Tik TOK of like those pictures that you just swipe. So it wasn't threads, because now threads is a thing and I don't want to confuse people, but it was on Tik TOK and it was like things that could kill you, that you don't realize could kill you. And I was like, oh, this goes right up with my anxiety. I feel like I should. I should look at this. So I'm flipping through.
Speaker 1:And one of them was oral hygiene really bad oral hygiene and I was like, oh my God, how? Because if you've got gum disease and then it's spread through your blood into your heart and into your brain and I was like, oh my God, I need to go to the dentist and started panicking because it was just the fear of it, right, like there was nothing else holding me back. I have benefits through work. I had the ability to go and I had the privilege to go and I was not doing it and I saw that post and I was like I really need to do it. And then, once things started like developing down there, I was like, nope, I need to go, I can't put this off anymore. I have a daughter who's looking to me like she and she wants to do everything I'm doing Like she likes to do makeup. I'm not a big makeup person, but she likes to do makeup and I was going to a baby shower last weekend and I was doing my makeup and she's like I do my makeup.
Speaker 2:So uh, a bonding thing with your daughter now, oh 100%.
Speaker 1:She'll love that Next time you visit, get ready for that. She'll love that. That's awesome. So she has a little makeup kit that she got as a gift at Christmas and it's all fake makeup, like it's just plastic and foam and whatnot, but real brushes. So she was putting on her stuff as I was putting on my stuff and like she was just having a blast with it. So, like she, she was just having a blast with it. So like I know she's looking to me for these things and I'm like I need to get better with this and going to the dentist and everything and cause she's looking to me and I don't want her to have the fears that I have.
Speaker 1:So I made an appointment, I called them. I'm like I haven't been to the dentist in forever. I am terrified to show up. It is going to take everything to get there.
Speaker 1:Brandon actually had the morning off. His appointment was the same time as mine so that I didn't have to get there alone and then Harper got sick. She ended up having the flu like that day. So Brandon couldn't come with me. He had to stay home with Harper and I had to go by myself and I'm like trying not to have a panic attack on the way to the dentist. I had to go by myself and I'm like trying not to have a panic attack on the way to the dentist. So finally I get there and I walk in and I'm filling out the papers and this girl comes up to me and she's like this is the sweetest soul on the planet, like this. I told her like I had a major fear. I haven't been here in so long. I'm convinced all of my teeth are going to have to be pulled out, like it's just not good. And she's I can't even repeat how she was because she was just like the least anxiety inducing, super comforting, like I felt like I was a child being taken care of and it was like that was what I needed in that moment.
Speaker 1:So got my first deep rec x-rays done and they sat down and looked at them. I had no cavities. I had a couple of chipped teeth that were just on the enamel part.
Speaker 2:No cavities is amazing. Right.
Speaker 1:I know no cavities, just a couple of chips. That because it was just on the enamel. There was nothing that they were able to really do about it. They said if things get worse or if it hurts they'll do something, but if they're just existing then it's not a big deal. Um, and the spots down here that I was worried about where it was going? Great, it was just the plaque that had developed and once they did the cleaning, all gone, all of it gone. So they have to do that again on my top half. That's in, uh, about two months it's at the end of may and I'm just like, I'm not afraid to go get the top, like I'm excited to get the top part done because it was such a great experience.
Speaker 1:Harper had her first appointment a week later, like, and she was very much mama I want to go home, like, but they didn't force it, they. They're just like we'll book another appointment in six months and we'll just get her used to it and just have her keep coming in and eventually she'll open her mouth and things will be fine. But we don't have any concerns with her right now. So it's good, um, but it was just, yeah, they got everything clean everything. Good, it doesn't hurt while I brush my teeth. It's like it's just, it's so it was. I was just so proud of myself and able to do that, and it's just. It feels like a weight that has been lifted off of me, because in the back of my head it's always like oh my god, my teeth are horrible. You know what I mean, and you just kind of ignored it because you were. You were more afraid of that than you were of this, until this became more fearful than that. So I did it.
Speaker 2:I'm so proud of you. Honestly, I didn't. I don't. I never really understood anxiety over the dentist because I love the dentist, like I remember walking around parties drunk as a skunk, like at my own house not other people's house but brushing my teeth because I was like don't forget, no matter how drunk you are, how important brushing your teeth is. I'm a great party time. Not that you all will ever experience that, but I can confirm we've played a game called privacy.
Speaker 1:I'm not great party time not that you all will ever experience that but I can confirm we've played a game called privacy. I'm not going to say anything that was said that night, but I will explain the game privacy. I will explain the game privacy where it's like you read a prompt on the card and everybody anonymously puts in yes or no to this yes or no question and the prompts are like it could be anything. It could be like I can't even think of my head.
Speaker 1:I don't remember what the question was, I just remember everyone knew I answered yes because I don't want to out all of it right now, but it goes around and it's like yes or no, yes or no, yes or no, right. So like you'll have a situation, so there'll be a, there'll be one of, for example, would you sleep with somebody at the table or whatever. So like everybody anonymously puts yes or no and then you open it up and you had to guess how many people you think said yes or no. So if you think one person said yes and you've put one right, but then the person who said yes thinks like everybody wants to sleep with everybody, they're going to say like 10 people said yes. So when it dumps out and only one person has said yes, well the person who thought 10 people were going to say yes was typically the one. So you kind of like pinpoint who does what, right, but there was, I'm not even going to tell this.
Speaker 2:No, no, say the question and I'll bleep it out, cause I don't remember.
Speaker 1:Okay, but leave this part in. That's what it was, because everything went around and everybody was talking about how uncomfortable it would be, but you didn't say anything and there was only one yes in there. So I, in front of everybody, was like Chris I totally forgot about that.
Speaker 2:Literally I am right now. Oh my god.
Speaker 1:That's so funny because I just remember being quiet once everyone is answering no and I was like oh, it's such a great game like if you are like party people or like you just like those types of games.
Speaker 2:Privacy 100 I will never play with you guys again. Oh, it's so much fun I.
Speaker 1:I feel like we're a pretty good group because we don't judge you know what I mean like it's like you say this thing, you don't say this thing. Well, we're gonna question it because we're like really, but like we're not gonna sit there and be like we cannot be friends with this person anymore.
Speaker 2:Like you know what I mean such a good time, such I was a really that was a really fun night, uh, so that everyone can point.
Speaker 1:That was when I made the charcuterie board.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh god, I really. Actually I going to make another charcuterie board right when I come back from Vegas, cause, as you should we're having a little cousin get together, cause we're going to go to the Kylie Minogue concert and whatnot.
Speaker 1:I don't really like.
Speaker 2:Kylie Minogue. That much, but I do. My brother wanted me to go.
Speaker 1:Have you tried the charcuterie nachos that people have been doing? No, they do like a thick kettle chip and then put like the meat and then the cheese and the pickles and all that on it and then bake it, oh, and then you put it like, dip it in whatever dips you want.
Speaker 2:huh, I'm so surprised you haven't seen that though, oh, I love nachos I love nachos, not salty meat nachos. I'm not. I I love nachos, but I like nachos, not salty meat Nachos.
Speaker 1:I'm not. I love nachos. Tostitos. Now have nacho flavored Tostitos and they don't taste like Doritos Like. They taste like actual like. If you made nachos and I had that in some queso at lunch today, so good, and my husband's still not feeling well because he got sick when Harper got sick, which means it's throw together dinner tonight.
Speaker 2:Dude sick when Harper got sick, which means it's throw together dinner tonight, dude. It's been a week, a week. Shannon, uh, has completely lost her voice and she's going to Vegas on the 20th. But like I tried to talk to her yesterday, I'm like I have to stop because I don't understand a word. You're saying right now they got crazy sick, um, but I was gonna mention that she has extreme dental. How did we get off anxiety? Because I was like to mention that she has extreme dental.
Speaker 1:How did we get off?
Speaker 2:that Because I was like going to tell the whole story there, anyway, how my brain goes. But um, she has dental anxiety and she found this place out.
Speaker 1:Oh, drinking, partying, privacy, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:There we go. She found this clinic.
Speaker 1:It's all women run and they will knock you out, even for a cleaning.
Speaker 2:So she went. Oh nice, because she has same thing hadn't been to a dentist in a really long time. The longest I think I went was five years, and that was when I didn't have any coverage or anything right but I mean, like now canada has that whole, they'll cover something. I don't know. They have actually like a dental program now, yeah, which, thank goodness, like it only took you how, for how long Canada's been around it just baffles me that there's a fact like that.
Speaker 1:It's like hey, bad hygiene, like oral hygiene, could kill you, but it's not included in our free medical care, like it doesn't make any sense yeah and yeah. I don't get it but how are things?
Speaker 2:Are you still doing your weigh-ins, by the way?
Speaker 1:I have been weighing in. I haven't been posting that. I don't know how I'm going to do it yet, because I've kind of just been hopping on whenever I want to hop on. I am kind of liking the daily thing. Also, I was kind of waiting to start posting after this week because, like I made a post the other day saying how I basically just not really fell off the rails, but it was just one of those things where it was like I was done my hyper fixation with bag salads and I had to still eat what I had at home. But what I had at home was like you know, when you buy a box of hamburger helper or box of craft dinner and it's like I don't know when I'm going to eat, this it's not in the meal plan but I have it on hand. I've gone through all my on hand box stuff. So that was pretty much what our meals were, what my lunches were, yada, yada, yada. So uh, but we went to the grocery store on Friday. After I'm done here, I'm actually going to meal prep. I have, like, my veggie kits that I'm going to go back to for a little while, and the pepperonis and the cheese and all that stuff. So, looking forward to doing that, and I just I'm holding on to water weight. I feel it in my face, I feel it in my ankles and it's just. It's just what's going on right now. So, yeah, yeah, plus, it also doesn't help that.
Speaker 1:So I was this week. I was having a really stressful week this week because last week Harper had the flu, so I was off on Friday, uh, unexpectedly, and then Brandon got the flu from Harper and, as I said before, he's still not better, and so it's just been like my house is a complete shit show. I haven't been able to get things organized, I haven't been able to get things cleaned up. I have to focus at work when it's work time. I was already feeling a point of burnout on like Wednesday last week and I was like I feel like I'm going to have to take a sick day, like I need to take a sick day for me, and then Harper got sick, so I was like I can't even do that, so was helping with Harper on Friday, or, you know, with Harper on Friday, and then my husband got sick and I was like I still can't take care of me.
Speaker 1:I messaged Chris on I think it was Wednesday and I was like my depression and everything is just hitting me. I'm done, I'm fed up, like I just it's a lot and there's just other stuff that's going on in the world right now. That was really nagging on me. That doesn't usually nag on me. And then I started getting snippety with Brandon because of course he hasn't been helping as much because he's been sick and everything and that it is what it is. But then I started getting snippety with him and it wasn't at him, it was just the situation in the state of our house and I was just getting frustrated and then my period started and I was like, oh, it's not just the world, it's my uterus, not just the world it's my uterus and it all made sense, so that's um, that's where I'm at right now.
Speaker 2:Oh, and that's why I'm also not weighing in right now, because unexpected that it's funny that so many people experience that, where it's just like and then it's like oh the clarity, that's why it's happening. But then, if a man's gonna be like, are you on your period, it's like, oh the clarity, that's why it's happening. But then, if a man's gonna be like, are you on your, it's like, oh, I am, but that is besides the point, don't you believe in?
Speaker 1:this. I wasn't expecting it for another week, so that's why I was thrown off by it. And then I was just like oh, this is why my bad. I like I came out of the bathroom, but I was like I would like to publicly apologize to everybody in the household for the last two days because my bad oh, I, you know I'm trying to get used to talking about it, but um, I still have the like.
Speaker 2:I have goosebumps all over my body.
Speaker 2:I went to no details no, I know, but then I started thinking about stuff and it's like you know, the one thing I'll say about that is I never I have to like, look outside, I have to distract myself. I just noticed I was doing that. But when women say, oh, I wasn't expecting it, or like, oh, it was so many days later, this and that, I'm like what is that like? Because I remember getting that book when I was whatever preteen, where it's like and this is what you calculate, and this and that, and I was like, okay, never in my life has it ever been normal.
Speaker 1:So it's just like I have no idea what that feels like to track mine was because of my birth control, but I put the patch on a week late, um so, but because I still put it on, I thought it was still going to be three weeks with the patch, but it was still only the two weeks. So I thought I had one more week with the patch, but then I didn't, so I probably should have started. That's what happened.
Speaker 2:A lot earlier, but I didn't, I actually. I actually my first time getting birth control was when I um got together with Rams, so I was already in my 30s and I and I didn't want to take a pill every day.
Speaker 2:Um, well, I always heard that it like complicated things with like your weight and whatnot, and it really freaked me out, more than the possibility of having a child. Um, and then Rams and I got together and I mean, like that's a that's a personal story actually that I won't go into um on the podcast, but uh, yeah, it was the Mirena or whatever it's called so I don't have to think about doing it.
Speaker 2:However, that is coming up at the end of this year. I want to be sick thinking about it, the pain that you have to go through to do that, and they don't numb you or anything. I don't think I'm going to get it put back in. I don't blame you, I'm just done. And I mean like at my age, like, like honestly, I even said like, okay, well, if we're not gonna protect ourselves and I end up with a kid, well, I mean like then we're gonna end up with a kid then, but hopefully we don't. Um, if that ever happens, please do not ever use and I'm talking to the whole podcast here, do not use my words against me, because if I found out I was pregnant, the therapy I would immediately go into to be like I don't want to end up like my mother honestly, when I so because Brandon and I were trying to get pregnant for like three years.
Speaker 1:And then when it happened, um, you would think that, like when you're trying for that long, that you're like, oh yay, like we're happy we're pregnant. I was happy day of the next day. I took a sick day from work and panicked all day, like it's totally a valid feeling of oh, I need to go panic now. And if that means going to therapy, great. For me, it meant going into Walmart and staring at the prenatals for 20 minutes and trying to figure out what the fuck to do next.
Speaker 2:So I did tell you all of you I'm pretty sure that I always used to want to be a mom and then I just went down a different path. And therapy has made me realize that if I had had therapy 20 years ago, I would be on a completely different path, because the whole reason I didn't want kids was because I just didn't want to end up raising someone like my mom or like did me. I didn't want a mini me, I didn't want to. I knew I had, I could, I could have a short fuse when I'm easily triggered and I just I didn't want to put that on a child because I knew that I experienced those things and I didn't want to do it. So now that I'm going through the healing process, it just makes me realize like, oh, just another thing that I kind of missed out on, especially since, like the last six months it's I thought it would have ended by now, especially with me going through therapy.
Speaker 2:But I can't stop saying like I want the last 25 years of my life back, and probably even more than that, but at least 25 years, and it's just really freaking hard to come to terms with that. It's like I don't really know who I am. I don't know who I want to be at the age of almost 41. And I just have to accept that my life is on a completely different path than the norm. I don't even think there is a norm, but you know what I mean. Yeah, yeah, I'm picking up what you're on. It's hard to process. It's not something I'm going to do on the podcast, because I'm also not saying what it is. But fuck man, I mean sarah knew right away what it was. It kind of makes me uh, thank you, all out there know what I'm going through, but whatever it's like if I don't say it, I can't, it's not confirmed.
Speaker 2:So you know what I think you need to do because it's kind of what I needed to do.
Speaker 1:It's something that I've told Brandon that he needs to do with other circumstances that are happening with our life, but you should mourn you yeah, no, I trust me, I have been, but the mourning isn't over.
Speaker 2:And, like you also have to think that, like I never properly mourned my brother and that was 11 years ago yeah, and like the thought of, okay, the whole with wrestlemania, um, I get really sad thinking about it because like, oh, I'm gonna cry, my brother would have died to go to that. I remember when it was wwf, he had one of those big ring mats and had all the action figures and then I would use them and play them with my barbies. Um, and I just sorry, I can't believe that I live in a world where he doesn't exist and I can't believe I live in a world where my partner never met him and how like they would have gotten along so well, you know, and it's, it's just really hard and I really want to get it out of my system because I do not want to be sad while I'm there, because this is, this is about Rams and like it's his childhood dream, but it is. It is really hard right now yeah, that's fair, I was.
Speaker 1:I was just gonna say from our side it's been, uh, I've had to mourn the idea of having a second kid. Um, not really the idea, but the want, because it's just a conversation Brandon and I have had. He wanted another one and then I wanted another one, and then he not flipped, but he changed his mind, which is totally valid, like you're allowed to change your mind, just like I did. I didn't want another one and then I did and, um, yeah, it's been really hard right now because I've been talking to, like, my friend and she's pregnant and we're gonna give her some stuff, but we've come, we know that we don't want another one, and while part of us does want another one, it's just you can't afford it.
Speaker 1:The world right now is a very different place than what it was when you were growing up, and when I was growing up, it was always like I'm going to have two kids and be married and be happy and have a house, and blah, blah, blah, and it's like, nope, share a house with my parents. One kid I. I am happily married though, so there is that, but um, and it's not to say Harper isn't enough. You know what I mean like she is.
Speaker 2:But you guys, also went through a very traumatic yes thing. So it's there's a lot to like, really think about. It's not just like, oh, let's have another kid.
Speaker 1:There's a lot to think about yeah, yeah, so we've decided we're not going to, and so it's just moving on from that do you like?
Speaker 2:are you still processing it?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, I would say yeah because, like it's hard when you're like you're out somewhere and like there's other kids who are playing with like their siblings and everything, and you're just like harper would love that you see harper with, like our, our friends, her. So it's like her friend group, um brandon, and I've talked about them on here. They just had another, another daughter, a little baby, and Harper's obsessed with her. She loves her so much so. But like you see how she is with babies and you see how she wants to play with other kids, but they're already playing with their siblings.
Speaker 1:It's you see that and you kind of intervene and it's like you have to, in quotations, be the sibling. You know what I mean. So I like we don't get to sit around and hang out with the adults and everything. We have to play with our kid because she doesn't have a sibling. And so many times adults are like, oh, that's why you need a second one, because then they would have somebody to play with and somebody to be with and blah, blah, blah and it's just like, yeah, but I can be that person there's no, there's no problem with being that person.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean. So there's still moments like that that pop up and we literally just made the decision, like within the last year, to have a kid, to not have a kid, like both decisions were made within the last year. So to go from yeah, I'm on board, let's have another kid, to actually no, I don't want a kid yeah it's, it's a lot, it's heavy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, sorry, it's just. This got really heavy. We were so online and now we're like. And what's worse is, we gotta wrap up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hold on, let me do a listen bitch. Let's end on that note. We'll do a listen bitch, and then we'll record our other episode. And then, um, follow her day. I'm gonna go eat a bowl of spaghetti. What are you having for dinner, or?
Speaker 2:breakfast, dinner oh, it's 2, 11. I was like it's breakfast, like seriously, I'm here it's just uh, yeah, being on the night shift, this is actually. I'm up way before just because of the cat and amazon.
Speaker 1:I'm listen, bitch don't let any motherfucker disturb your peace. Hey, there we go. That's a good one. Let's not set goals, by the way, to say we're good. My goal is the same.
Speaker 2:I'll read.
Speaker 1:Once I read, it'll be a different goal we, yeah, once we, once chris has actually read, we will start setting goals. I swear to god, I'm doing other things. I just set that goal here on the podcast.
Speaker 2:But there's yeah, once Chris has actually read, we will start setting goals. I swear to God, I'm doing other things. I just set that goal here on the podcast, but there's other things happening behind the scenes and also stress about going to America.
Speaker 1:Okay, bye, bye Yay.